Nude Nuns With Big Guns Delivers…Well…Those Exact Things!!! (Image Entertainment)

Nude Nuns With Big Guns Delivers…Well…Those Exact Things!!! (Image Entertainment)

nnwbgThis nastiness is right in our wheelhouse…so, how’s come it took so long to get to it?!  Eh, ya’ know…it happens.  Regardless, I’m here to tell you about a film that includes everything AND the kitchen sink!  All the good things in life: Mexican biker druglords, unsettled vendettas, seedy sex club workers, horny lesbian nuns, etc.  All things one would expect to find in a battle royale exploitation flick.  The only thing to do with all of that is name the thing.  But what do you call a movie like that??  How about…Nude Nuns With Big Guns?  Perfect!

NNWBG is the story of Sister Sarah, newly christened nun.  Sarah’s life heads immediately south when a gang of druglords overrun the church.  While on the brink of death, Sarah musters up the energy to survive…and exact revenge.  From here, she straps herself to the hilt and sets off on a warpath leaving behind a trail of bodies.  No one is safe until Sarah settles this score and everyone is an accomplice until they prove to her (and her piece) otherwise.  Get in her way and choke on a bullet.

whitenunYou can’t be surprised that I loved the shit out of this movie.  It’s an exploitation movie that was made by people who didn’t just study the variations of that style, but engulfed themselves in it.  The sex, blood, & violence that one would expect out of an exploitation film such as this is there-and it’s at full blast!  You don’t just get shot in Nude Nuns With Big Guns.  No, no!  You get blown away by sawed-off shotguns.  You don’t just get roughed up gang members.  Instead, you get beaten, raped, and if they’re feeling cutesy, left to die on your own instead of them finishing you off.  Co-writer and director Joseph Guzman is no stranger to this ideology having made the movie Run! Bitch! Run!.  He has utilized the understanding he has of drive-in era sleaze but coupled it with the stylized influence of fellas like Tarantino and Rodriguez.  Meaning, he’s no dummy to what sells.  The things he (Guzman) loves about filmmakers of that ilk is what they love about the movies of the past.  Bringing that intensity into the new era is a pretty popular thing nowadays.  Unfortunately, we see several of these throwback films land waaaaaaay off the mark.  They sacrifice quality and chalk it up to the “look” they were going for.  Guzman refuses to sacrifice quality.  He is able to lovingly honor influences but still make a great looking movie.  In doing so, he’s exceeded that nostalgic mentality that is often associated with a movie of this nature.  What you get instead is a balls to the wall exploitation action film that appeals to the modern era.  You know that it is a modern film by some of the modern conveniences available to the characters throughout the movie, but you enjoy the timeless presentation of the movie.  Badass bikers (and bikes), good trashy music, the filthy lawless sex we all crave, and scorn anti-heroes with debts to settle; all things that never go out of style and they’re all here for your viewing pleasure.

drunk dudeJoseph Guzman and the folks at Freak Show Entertainment represent a growing (and positive) trend in indie film.  There are just some people who want to make films that they would love to see and do not give a fuck about impressing an “industry” that doesn’t care about them to begin with (Take your pick: Big World Pictures, Warlock Home Video, Toe Tag Pictures…the list goes on and on!).  We’re talking about hardworking freaks who love their movies trashy n’ bloody!  They use ingenuity, the money THEY can pull together, call in favors from their friends, and make an explosive movie.   These films become a party unto themselves because they are best accompanied with great friends and a case of beer.  Nude Nuns With Big Guns is a movie to shout at; it’s the type of film that makes you hoot & holler.  It’s made of a spirit that brought us the most important pillars in pop culture (the blues, rock & roll, midnight movies, Lady Chatterly’s Lovers, etc.) will continue to do so as long as more Joseph Guzmans exist on this planet.

I knew going into this review me liking this movie wouldn’t surprise anyone.  Hell, it didn’t surprise me.  The title alone made me all warm n’ fuzzy inside.   So, please, please don’t overlook the fact that THIS IS A REALLY KICK ASS MOVIE.   The performances are solid.  The set pieces are believable.  Nobody’s Mom’s kitchen was used in the making of this film, if you know what I mean.  Cinematography, while very stylized, is fantastic (and it’s lit exquisitely!  Hand of God, it’s so good it’s noticeable!). There is a laundry list or irreversible sins I could use to titillate your evil senses.  Instead, I’ll give it to you straight: Nude Nuns With Big Guns is all that is perverse and right in the world.  Consider this your new party movie.



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All the guts & grime of a bygone era translated for the modern pervert...

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I'm the founder of this here site and a contributing writer. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the foundation of who I am as a horror lover but sleaze, exploitation, Italian film, and erotica from the golden age are my areas most widely researched. This is done with a great amount of vigor. When not assaulting my mind with film, I'm with my beautiful family or cheering on my beloved Baltimore Orioles.

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