Hello again Brothers and Sisters of the Psychotronic Video World! Mixing things up a bit tonight and doing my very first ever music review, so if I fuck up, don’t beat me too severely. Now, y’all know me — I’m a sucker for all things Bigfoot, and some of you may know I’m also something of a metalhead. Now, I never really got into Black and Death Metal so much — I’m more a crazed guitar solo kinda guy. However, one Death Metal band has really caught my attention lately, and that is TROGLODYTE, who refer to their style as “Neandercore.”
Troglodyte released their first album, Welcome to Boggy Creek, in 2011, and now they’ve followed up with Don’t Go In The Woods. I don’t have a physical CD copy of Don’t yet (it’s in the mail), but I also downloaded the album from the band’s website. I then put the album on repeat and listened to it on my headphones for eight freakin’ hours at work today, soaking up the Sasquatchery of it all.
Keeping in mind that I have not yet reviewed Welcome (a fact that will be rectified soon), here are my thoughts on Don’t.
Following in the trend of their first album, Don’t features cover art by Justin Osbourn of Slasher Design, and is a gloriously bloody mess, in the best way possible. Having Osbourn do the art for both albums provides a sense of continuity, or rather expands and solidifies the continuity of subject matter. And seriously, look at this fucking thing. I’ve never seen Bigfoot look so primal and menacing.
For this album, Paul Ryan (not that smirking Objectivist who was the Republican vice presidential candidate this past election cycle) and Mike Flores, both from the band ORIGIN, providing guest vocals and a shredding bass-line, respectively. These guys lift Don’t above Welcome, in my opinion.
Ryan gives the songs a good vocal crispness without losing the trademark gravel-throated growl of Death Metal, and the result is an album that you can just listen to, without having to ask, “What did he just say?” other than in disbelief of some ghoulishness in the subject matter.
Don’t has a much stronger bass-line than Welcome did, and it’s the kind of shredding where you’re listening and you can feel your teeth vibrate to the music. It’s exactly what I would want from the musical equivalent of the brute strength of Troglodyte’s vicious take on Bigfoot. Flores is, according to an update from the band, stepping in and joining Troglodyte full time; a fact that pleases me greatly, not just because of his bass work, but because his last name is fucking Flores, and if you remember a few years back, Flores Island in Indonesia was the site of the discovery of Homo floresiensis, a prehistoric dwarf humanoid race which, in co-existing with early modern humans, may have given rise to legends of the Ebu Gogo and Orang Pendek — local Indonesian versions of Bigfoot.
Welcome to Boggy Creek was structured around the brilliant ode to a gem of Sasquatch Cinema, a song that may prove to be Troglodyte’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” — “Hit By The Hendersons.” And while the entire Welcome album is fantastic, “Hit By The Hendersons” is the pinnacle of the album. Don’t Go In The Woods does not make it so easy to select a “best” song, though the tracks “Cro-Magnum Force,” “The Trap is Set,” “Murderous Bi-Pedal Hominid Rampage (Where Are My Legs?),” “Minnesota Iceman Cometh” and “352” are the songs that really strand out for me. Given that the album is all of 13 songs long, that’s 5, or just shy of half, that have me so blown away I can’t pick a favorite from among them.
As a final note, let me just say how amazed I am at how well the guys in Troglodyte know their shit. The fact that they have a song called “Minnesota Iceman Cometh” — The Minnesota Iceman is pretty fucking obscure these days, even in Bigfoot lore!
As a final, final note, I’m really freaking hoping Troglodyte and James Bickert can collaborate on some sort of completely bugfuck insane sequel to DEAR GOD NO!
In parting, let me just say if you’ve got any interest in Death Metal and/or Bigfoot, you owe it to yourself to pick up Troglodyte’s albums. You can get both CDs from their website for $15 plus shipping. DO EET! DO EET NOW!
UPDATE: Well shit in my pants, Brothers and Sisters. I was both stunned and delighted to learn this morning that one of the sick, deviant brains behind TROGLODYTE, one Jeffrey Sisson, has had his work featured on the Blood Sprayer in the past. Sisson does all the cover artwork for WARLOCK HOME VIDEO and as an actor has appeared in films like CHOP and JESSICKA RABID. Join me, Brothers and Sisters, in pumping our fists in the air for Jeff and the rest of the guys in TROGLODYTE!