Taintlight (Low Budget Pictures/Tempe Ent.)

Taintlight (Low Budget Pictures/Tempe Ent.)

Taintlight Movie PosterOH, Twilight…how we hate thee.  You’ve taken vampires, douched them up, and given chubby goth chicks masturbatory aid to relieve themselves to before crying themselves to sleep.  What shall your penance be for these atrocities?  Ah, yes! Perfect!  We’ll hand you over to Chris Seaver and his merry band of buffonerists to do with you what they will…and the results will be real magic.

Low Budget Pictures take their aim at this teen phenomenon and knock a first class spoof outta the damn park.  Some of the usual suspects show their lovely mugs (Meredith Host, Kurt Indovina, Billy Garberina, and Jesse Ames) and are joined by the return of some much-missed alumnists (Jesse Green,  AJ Stabone, and Jason McCall) for a movie that not only flexes its very big comedic muscles, but points out the monstrous flaws of it’s subject.  The story pretty much sticks to concept put forth by the original shitburger:  Two teens, one a fang-less vampire, the other a menstrual misery monger fall in a forbidden love that is challenged by jealous werewolves, real vampires and a 1000 watt perverted dad.  OH, the travesty!!!

While the lead characters of Taintlight smear comedic musk all over the screen, it seems that it wasn’t too damn difficult to make fun of  Twilight in the first place.  Kurt Indovina takes on the role of Edgar (hehe) with the same brooding effect that Robert Pattinson must of used in his portrayal of Edward.  The difference here would be, I will CHOOSE to watch Kurt’s performance on multiple viewings-the other, I will only choose to view as a means to torture my victims.  Indovina took his lead role and ran with it.  It’s the strongest performance he’s had to date and he’s not only made progress as an actor, but has improved upon his comedic skills tenfold.  He’s able to carry his load of the film consistently and all of his jokes land with great effect.

The other standout performance in Taintlight comes from Billy Garberina.  His role as Stella’s father takes the boring ass performance from the original and turns it on its ear.  Whereas the original film portrays the father in the same blandness as the rest of the story, Garberina makes the character an incestuous-by-way-of-Steven Wright subtlty that had me laughing out loud at each sleazy line that was delivered.  It will make you cringe as you watch him eyeball his daughter and her friends but still laugh your ass off at the absurdity of it all.

Though the two aforementioned performances were standout, the movie overall, is very strong.  Chris Seaver’s films don’t always look like perfection but he always, always knows where the joke is and he knows how to shoot it.  Bottom line: It didn’t take too much to make a mockery of Twilight but LBP went above and beyond the call, and delivered.  Taintlight is a sign that Low Budget Pictures is still hot and that Chris Seaver still knows how to put out quality, micro budget films.  He’s gathered a group of people that get what his world is about and they are far and away, better actors than most indie troops.  Though Twilight is a franchise that seems untouchable in the sense that it’s fans will never see it’s flaws and its detractors will never give it the time of day, this spoof amps up the stupidity and makes you realize how truly terrible these films are and how ripe they are for parody.   Taintlight has quickly become a favorite of mine when it comes to LBP releases and it will be worth every second you spend watching it.




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I'm the founder of this here site and a contributing writer. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the foundation of who I am as a horror lover but sleaze, exploitation, Italian film, and erotica from the golden age are my areas most widely researched. This is done with a great amount of vigor. When not assaulting my mind with film, I'm with my beautiful family or cheering on my beloved Baltimore Orioles.

2 Responses to “Taintlight (Low Budget Pictures/Tempe Ent.)”

  1. hahaha…I must be sleep jacking again…

  2. I am so happy Low Budget Pictures/Tempe Ent. did this. I want to stab myself in the penis every time I hear someone(teen to late 30’s female) praise Twilight. Thanks to my cuz Wes I was turned to this and can’t stop watching. Just looking at the poster made me piss my pants. I must see this movie, the drunken mime is FUCKING genius.

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