Sometimes things pile up on you. Movies show up at your house in screener packages, you have spending binges in used record stores and on Amazon (look, if it’s 20 cents, just fuckin’ buy it!). Not to mention the fact that you have all these yet your real life is pulling you away from said movies. I blame society…
With all of these movies accidentally taking up residence in my home, it becomes nearly impossible for me to keep up with reviewing or writing all of them up. So, I came up with a quick easy remedy. Rather than write up tons of reviews, I figured it would be best to give these films some attention (good or bad) at least by firing off a few quick thoughts on it, and then challenge YOU to go find the damn thing! Let’s do this!
Anita (Impulse Pictures, 1973)-Gorgeous Christina Lindberg and Stellan Skarsgard (what the fuck?!) in an early performance. Lindberg plays Anita, a rich nympho with shitty parents. She fucks a lot of people to fill a lot of void. Erik (Skarsgard) is a university student who feels the only way to cure Anita’s sexual impulse is by allowing her to reach true orgasm…of course. “Anita” is a perfectly constructed sexploitation film with all the silliness and fashion insanity one expects from a film like this. Not sold? Christina Lindberg…naked. How’s that?
Botched (Dark Castle, 2008)-Let me see if I can get this right. Stephen Dorff plays a guy named Ritchie who’s a thief. He’s sent to Moscow to steal a priceless artifact and get it back home to L.A. Instead, everything goes apeshit. Lots of gore accompany sight gags and an absolutely ludicrous storyline. The 13th floor of the building the film is set in is where things get shitty. Ivan the Terrible’s ancestors? Check. Beheadings? Sure. Trying to cash in on the “Shaun of The Dead”/”Severance” horror comedy, this one’s got lots of the red stuff and stupid jokes to keep you captivated.
Angst (Mill Creek Entertainment, 2006)-Jesus Christ! I don’t know how the hell a film like this gets made/slips past the horror community so easily. Scream Queen Fiona Horsey (yeah, me neither) plays a young woman with a ravenous, cannibalistic vagina. In order to keep that baby fed, she’s gotta hook. But, I think we all know what happens then-bodies pile up, questions go unanswered. Honestly, I don’t actually know what is going on in this movie but it’s still awesome. There’s a pair of Siamese twins, one who happens to be slutty, lots of violence and sex, and just an overall cluster fuck of an exploitation flick! If you like British crime flicks and Mark Savage-style chaos, dig around for this one. Gives new meaning to the word mondo.
The Demons (Unreleased, 1972)-Jess Franco and naked lesbian nuns seem to go hand in hand. A witch is burned at the stake, she curses the people who torched her. Cut to several years later, her daughters are members of a convent unaware that their mom was a witch and that their daddy is Lord Jeffreys, the guy who had their mom killed. He knows they’re his daughters and he’s scared. Will they fulfill the prophecy or will he have them offed to cover up the fact that he fucked a witch?! This may be one of my favorite of Franco’s exploitation films. Bottom line, he’s not even one you can call a hit or miss filmmaker. He’s mostly miss with a few memorable hits. This would be one of those rare moments.
X (High Caliber Films, 2009)-This no budget, shot-on-video beast comes with very little pleasantry to it. At times, the audio is shitty and the acting and lighting are uneven. But, if you stick this guy out, you find an unrelenting, brutal flick with that Midwest misery that I find so lovely. He’s hidden behind a clean cut good look and has the former Marine thing going for him. People would never assume him to be a sociopath of epic proportions. While the quality of the film itself isn’t stellar, the concept is bold. Given a decent budget, this film would have the potential to make you feel pretty grimy.
Hell Walks The Earth (Warbranch Productions, 2009)-The zombie world has ample amounts of good and bad. Will it ever go away? Most likely not. Is it an easy thing to fall back on when you have a lack of originality? Always. However, given those circumstances, it was nice to put in a movie I presumed to be a steaming pile charred pig shit, only to be proved wrong. Hell Walks The Earth owes as much to the spirit of indie film as it does to “Night of The Living Dead”. It’s very minimal on budget and has some uneven performances, but the black & white presentation unconventional concept gives this indie some solid legs to stand on. Terrence Muncy has serious potential as a writer/director.
Pontypool (MPI Home Video, 2010)-I live about an hour and half from the Canadian border. Though it may seem like a generalization, I find Canadian people to be impossibly sweet. They’re a joy to be in the presence of. Over the last few years though, they’ve proven to be capable of making mean-ass horror films. Pontypool is a part of this growing tradition. It’s a brilliant concept (based on a great book too, by the way): A once prominent shock jock ends up in a crappy small town radio job after being fired. While wasting away in this dead end job, reports begin coming in of people’s speech becoming incoherent and leading them to violent outbursts. It’s discovered that the virus is being spread through language and is almost impossible to stop. The struggle becomes deciding whether to stay on air hoping to be rescued through his transmissions or figure out whether he’s causing the spread of the virus. Because I know our readers are so smart, I will assume you’re already all over Pontypool like flies on shit and know it’s a brilliant film. So, go tell your friends to hunt this one down. This one’s most likely going to make my year end list. Love it!
Tags: Anita, Blood, Botched, cannibalistic, Christina Lindberg, Director, Gore, Horror, Jess Franco, lesbian nuns, Mark Savage, night of the living dead, Pontypool, scream queen, Severance, Sex, Shaun of The Dead, Stellan Skarsgard, Stephen Dorff, The Demons, Violence, Witch, writer, zombie