Let It Bleed – How Horror Can Save Hollywood Franchises From Itself – Part 1

Let It Bleed – How Horror Can Save Hollywood Franchises From Itself – Part 1

Hollywood has always been known for lackluster sequels. By definition alone they are inferior to the original content. However as most of the horror genre is built upon the franchises of Freddy, Jason, and Michael, and others, there’s no reason for our frightful friends to not lend a hand and revive some non-horror franchises that have fallen from the good graces of the viewing public.

Here are a few ideas to add a little blood to draw in the bucks at the box office. Be sure to stay tuned for more.

Now listen up Hollywood!


Home Alone

On Christmas Eve, a pair of burgulars break into the warehouse loft space of John Kramer, formerly known as Jigsaw, hoping to steal a piece of memorabilia and fence it for its notoriety. Little do they know that John’s nephew, Kevin, is there, attempting to settle the estate of his late uncle after his untimely demise and trying make sense of John’s criminal motives and why he was named Kevin the sole beneficiary of his will.

The burglars corner Kevin, roughing him up and locking him away as they pillage through family heirlooms. Kevin escapes and decides to take action, to take revenge! These two criminals have no clue what’s in store for them when they try to rip off the nephew of Jigsaw, played by none other than Macauly Caulkin. Picture all the high-jinks of Kevin McCallister turned deadly with his reimagined Rube Goldberg style booby traps designed this time to murder and maim.

Now not only is the franchise revived past that of its lackluster third installment, but we return the former prince of HOME ALONE back to his throne and continue the SAW franchise into the next millennium with a brand new star.

The Muppets Halloween Special

The Muppet movies have always been entertaining, but after Jim Henson’s unfortunate passing the flair of THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN and THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER seemed to pass on as well. The company has since embraced the digital age by creating a series of shorts and music videos that have gone viral thanks to You Tube. Still the fact remains that the spirit and audience numbers for the Muppets have never been the same since Jim’s death.

As reported by TV Guide in 1991, Jim Henson’s company was seeking the development of The Muppets’ Haunted House (aka “The Muppets’ Haunted Hotel” and “Muppet Haunted Movie”) as a possible feature film. By 1998, a script was written by Dan Milano, now titled “The Muppets’ Haunted Hotel.”

Some press reports cited the film was slated for a Fall 2000 release, but a 2001 press junket at the D23 expo meant to highlight company projects, still listed the film as in development. As September of that year rolled around it meant that the rumors of the Muppets grabbing a scare had been debunked. The closest you’ll be able to realizing what could be is the release of the 2000 video game from Midway Games titled “Muppet Monster Adventure” for the Sony Playstation.

The early treatments of the Halloween special are said to include scenes where the Muppet characters turn into classic Hollywood monsters including Kermit as Frankenstein’s Monster, Piggy as the Bride of Frankenstein, Gonzo as Dracula, and Fozzie as The Wolfman, encapsulating the same feel of the characters developed for the video game. I can’t think of a better way to revive the Muppet movie franchise and reintroduce children to the Universal monsters than proceeding with a full on holiday production, especially one that celebrates Halloween.

Star Wars

I for one was anticipating the prequels to one of the greatest stories ever told only to be sold Jar Jar Binks. Seriously? Seriously? The only saving grace was Darth Maul and what did they do, but slice him in half and dash any hopes of future bad-assery. There’s really only one way to bring it all back from the brink and that’s by adapting Joe Schreiber’s 2009 book, DEATH TROOPERS for the big screen.

The story follows the prison barge Purge transporting a slew of prisoners from across the cosmos when it breaks down and needs immediate repairs. The crew discovers an Imperial Star Destroyer drifting, seemingly abandoned. After repeated attempts at contact, the crew of the Purge board the ship to salvage the needed parts for repair. Only half of them return and they’ve also brought along a deadly disease that spreads through their ranks and prison population causing unspeakable death and terror. That’s right, ZOMBIES!

Frankly, there’s a whole galaxy to explore here, especially since the Empire sought to conquer all. Why this hasn’t been adapted into a major motion picture is beyond me or at least something like it. Imagine if you will NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD with laser blasters, brain munching Wookies, and light sabers. You can towel off later. Just make sure we get the blessing of George Lucas and keep him away from the helm.

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Born in the steel scrap-yards of Lorain, Ohio, Zach Shildwachter is a VHS Vagabond wandering the Cleveland landscape in search of the perfect Horror movie and Banana flavored snacks in preparation for the Zombie Apocalypse. Until the Dead walk, our Hero remains an Aspiring Filmmaker, Compulsive Writer, Self-taught Artist, and amateur Super-Hero.

3 Responses to “Let It Bleed – How Horror Can Save Hollywood Franchises From Itself – Part 1”

  1. My head just exploded with that last one. Bravo.


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