Is it the End of the World yet?

Is it the End of the World yet?

So you’re finally done putting away the Christmas decorations and the hangover from New Year’s Eve has long faded. Now what do you have to look forward to? Well until it’s time to stock up for the Trick ‘r Treaters here’s a slew of upcoming films to watch out for if you’re a fan of weird things that bleed and go bump in the night. It’s just a handful of goodies to whet your appetite as I’m sure there are plenty more on the cinematic menu of 2012.

Let’s dig in, shall we?

 

Father’s Day

Oh those fine folks over at Troma bring another party jam to the dance floor with their latest opus. Filled with blood and boobs and enough questionable merit to ostracize you from future family functions, you know you can’t wait for it to hit your hometown like a bad tornado.

Check out http://www.thefathersdaymovie.com/ for upcoming screenings and further details.

 

 The Raid

This Indonesian onslaught of ultra-violence  is martial arts action to the Nth degree. Bloody, gritty, and literally take no prisoners,  this bone-cruncher is set to hit stateside this coming March.

http://youtu.be/1COoON-DX2Q

 

 

Inbred

From across the pond comes a new tale of terror. Put that on the box art, suckers. When a group of young law-breakers and their custodians clash with “colorful” locals, it turns into a bloodbath for all involved. This is why I mostly stay indoors.

Check out the film’s official website for further details – http://www.inbredmovie.com/

 

Prometheus

Ridley Scott is back in outer space. Big budget and over the top, sure, but this thing sells itself like margaritas in the Sahara. ‘Nuff said.

 

Chronicle

Written by Max Landis (son of John Landis) this feature film about a group of friends centers around their new telekinesis  – that’s mind bullets, Kyle. How they get their powers and what happens when they start to abuse them is why you’re gonna go buy a ticket.

 

Black Forest: Hansel & Gretel and the 420 Witch

Official Synopsis: Siblings, Hansel (Michael Welch) and Gretel (Molly Quinn), battle a witch (Lara Flynn Boyle) who lures teenagers into her suburban home with her special blend of marijuana, before she kills and eats them to maintain her youth and beauty.

So it’s basically witches and weed, but with Molly Quinn, Michael Welch, Lara Flynn Boyle, and Cary Elwes. You’re not stoned, you read that right.

Be sure to check out the film’s official website for more upcoming details – http://www.hg420movie.com/

 

The Lords of Salem

Rumored to have no CGI, hopefully this film will reunite the polarized masses of Rob Zombie fans. It’s got evil witches, Sid Haig, and plenty of religious goody two-shoes that will hopefully meet the business end of a pitchfork and end their day at the bottom of a cauldron. I for one am holding out hope, because it’s something to look forward to, and we all need that in life. Seriously, come off it. There’s not a funeral every time you smell flowers.

 

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D

Directed by John Luessenhop, this Leatherface reboot puts the Captains of the SAW franchise at the helm over their Platinum Dunes counterparts. Coming at you October 5th, this next installment stars Bill Moseley, Gunnar Hansen, with a rumored cameo by Tobe Hooper. No news on if Moseley will reprise his iconic Chop-Top role. Love it or hate it, it’s still coming your way. Like the song goes, “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.”

 

Red Lights

So Travis Bickle stars opposite Ellen Ripley (Bobby D. and The Dream Weaver, respectively) in a film about paranormal fraud investigators and the world’s most powerful psychic. I consider this to be Hawaiian Pizza Cinema; if it’s done right, it could be mighty tasty. If it’s done wrong then who the hell puts fruit on pizza?! I WANT NAMES!!

 

Cassadaga

Ghosts and vengeful spirits in supposedly one of the most psychically charged places in America garner a raised eyebrow from me. Throw in a serial killer by the name of Gepetto who turns his victims into marionettes, some killer poster art, and I say “muy interesante”. That’s Spanish for “Don’t look at me when I’m diggin’ through the Discount DVD Bin”.

 

Game of Werewolves

A Spanish Horror-Comedy with Werewolves? Even without subtitles, how can you not dig on this? Seriously, give it a go, order up some authentic Horror rather than that Hollywood tie-in with Taco Bell crap that you know will blow out the O-ring of your attention span.

 

Detention of the Dead

THE BREAKFAST CLUB meets SHAUN OF THE DEAD? They couldn’t think of a better way to sell this? Anyway, this is just the type of flick you’ll force your kid sister to watch one beer addled weekend when everyone else is too busy to hang out. Maybe you need better taste in movies or a hotter sister, your call.

Learn more from the film’s official website – http://detentionofthedead.com .

 

I hope you find something of interest, something to tickle your fancy. This restraining order prohibits me from tickling your fancy any further.


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Born in the steel scrap-yards of Lorain, Ohio, Zach Shildwachter is a VHS Vagabond wandering the Cleveland landscape in search of the perfect Horror movie and Banana flavored snacks in preparation for the Zombie Apocalypse. Until the Dead walk, our Hero remains an Aspiring Filmmaker, Compulsive Writer, Self-taught Artist, and amateur Super-Hero.

One Response to “Is it the End of the World yet?”

  1. I’ve got very good feelings about Lords of Salem and Inbred. Love those posters.

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