Chemical Burn Screener Triple-Feature Review

Chemical Burn Screener Triple-Feature Review

Hello, Brothers and Sisters of the Psychotronic Video World! I recently got a stack of screeners from Wes, and it’s time to sit down and give them a good watching.  Most of them are from Chemical Burn Entertainment, a distribution company with a…questionable history for me.  Some of the worst garbage I’ve ever had the misfortune to review has been released through Chemical Burn.  On the other hand, some quality stuff has been released through Chemical Burn as well.  So let’s take a look at three of these films:

COMMUNITY COLLEGE (2012)

COMMUNITY COLLEGE is a crazy love story between four dudes and their ability to get free drinks.  When their beloved dive bar is about to close its doors forever, it’s up to four dopey, alcoholic, bar flies to save it.  With the genius plan of actually completing their last few college credits to cash in on a windfall of money from congratulatory greeting cards from friends and family, our heroes embark on an “educational” journey of a lifetime.

First Impression: Jesus, this movie is LOUD.  The audio is mixed extremely high, forcing me to scramble for the remote to crank it down to just north of mute in order to hear it at normal volume.  The screenwriter is pretty clearly a fan of Tarantino’s writing, with characters engaging in long, pointless conversations about pop culture ephemera.  The TV show Family Guy as well, given the film’s tendency towards ridiculous segues and stupid jokes.  Case in point — a couple jokes are followed by rimshots, followed by a nameless extra popping up to announce “Sorry! Dropped my drumkit!”

The thing that killed the film for me was the music.  There’s a number of songs in the film and they’re just plain lousy, including such modern day classics as “I Sucked Six Dirty Dicks.”  At least the film can admit it.

NACHO MOUNTAIN (2012)

Keefer has a talent.  He can eat…A LOT.  But it’s not until after getting fired from his job, and almost getting arrested, that Keefer decides to start an underground food eating competition.  After the health crazed Mayor Fingstal and his cronies Officers Slivjack and Biggsley catch wind of it, all hell breaks loose.  Then it all comes down to one final food battle from hell, THE NACHO MOUNTAIN!

First Impression: NACHO MOUNTAIN’s audio is mixed very quietly, almost the opposite of COMMUNITY COLLEGE.  The film itself is kind of like “Takeru Kobayashi’s FIGHT CLUB,” and it’s amusing to see the great American ode to gluttony and sloth, the eating competition, made the focus of a film.  Moreso when it’s a matter of underground, vicious, winner-takes-all, loser-eats-a-bullet eating competitions.  It’s a film replete with hairy lardasses eating like dingos in a maternity ward, but the bulk of the humor in the film is predicated on farts and semen.  As such, I was shocked to see Wes’ name not listed prominently in the credits as inspiration for the film.

I definitely enjoyed NACHO MOUNTAIN a lot more than COMMUNITY COLLEGE, and not just because I’m a glutton and fascinated by competitive eating.  There was a similar Tarantino influence at play here, but it’s much more restrained, and the humor is more solidly integrated into the film.  It’s a silly little film that hangs together very nicely.

THE FLIRTING CLUB (2012)

Jamie is 29 going on 12.  A loser and a virgin to boot, he has one month to meet a real girl otherwise he has to marry Laura “the human pig” from next door, a marriage set up by his parents.  He’s hampered by his best mate Bill, stuck with a schoolboy infatuation for his smoking hot boss, has two left feet and zero dating skills, until an accidental encounter with his local flirting club gives him hope.

First Impression: NOPE, NOPE, NOPE nope nope nope.  No.  Just…No.  The worst of THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN crossed with the worst of DEUCE BIGALOW, MALE GIGOLO, compounded with the sort of fat stereotyping that disgusts me the most — the assumption that fat women are repulsive eating machines who smear everything across their face in a sort of “event horizon” before it disappears down their gullet, who’d eat a slice of pizza off a truck stop bathroom floor if no other fatties claimed it first.  I fucking hate this sort of stereotyping, let me just say.  And I found no enjoyment whatsoever in this film.

Definitely not “Wet Your Pants Funny!!!” I have to say.

***

Overall, on a scale from 1 to 10, I’m going to give NACHO MOUNTAIN a 7, COMMUNITY COLLEGE  a 4.5, and THE FLIRTING CLUB a 0.


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Bill Adcock likes long walks off short piers and eating endangered species. In addition to his work for the Blood Sprayer, his writing can also be found at his personal site, Radiation-Scarred Reviews, which he's maintained since 2008. Bill has also contributed, as of this writing, to GRINDHOUSE PURGATORY issues 2 and 3, and CINEMA SEWER issue 27.

One Response to “Chemical Burn Screener Triple-Feature Review”

  1. 3 very interesting movies to review. Well done

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