As we continue to get closer and closer to winter here in Northwest Ohio, it was refreshing to have a movie all about heat dropped on my lap. 247°F (the latest from Anchor Bay Entertainment) actually came out two weeks ago, but thanks to the over-worked postal service delivering political garbage by the wheelbarrowful, it somehow was lost. No worries, let’s take a look at 247°F.
The movie opens with Jenna (Scout Taylor-Compton) riding in a car with her boyfriend, before an accident leaves him dead, and her stranded in the car waiting for help. We then quickly jump ahead three years where Jenna’s bff Renee (Christina Ulloa) is setting up a trip with her boyfriend Michael (Michael Copon) and one of his besties Ian (Travis Van Winkle) in an isolated cabin. Once there, they meet Uncle Wade (Tyler Mane) who makes a hell of a batch of moonshine. After lots of shots and beers, it seems like a good time to try out the sauna out back. However, a fight between Renee and Michael causes the uber-intoxicated Michael to storm off upset, and that’s when the rest of the group realize they are trapped inside the sauna. Can they get out before their bodies reach the deadly temperature of 247°F?
247°F is a tough movie for me to review. I admit I was sucked in by the simplicity of the story, people stuck in a heated sauna and what will they do? Situations like this are much more horrific to me and work better than a monster movie. However, for the most part the movie was a paint by numbers thriller that’s been done before, and much better I might add. On the upside you have a group of attractive people in there unmentionables that you get to look at for an hour, and you have a couple solid performances from horror remake darlings Taylor-Compton (the shitty Halloween remakes) and Van Winkle (the equally shitty Friday the 13th remake). On the downside, the script is bland, dialog clunky, and no suspense. When you’re doing a survival movie (I immediately think of Open Water or Frozen as an example) suspense is really the driving force to keep the movie going, and that was sorely missing here. It also doesn’t help when half your cast is so unlikeable you want them to die.
All in all 247°F is a mixed bag. I enjoy the survival horror genre as a whole so I was interested in the movie, but it was overall so mediocre I can’t say I was thoroughly impressed. If you are a fan of the genre, I’d recommend a rental before a purchase.